Hello esteemed terraglorbushoms! We are communicating through the primitive form of writing technology provided by your species. We have been piqued with curiosity about your planet because of the near-constant broadcasting of your curious and contradicting lives! Based on what we have gathered from your plethora of "television" signals, we've concluded that we wish to study your species for the educational benefit of ours! Now, for fear of falling into your many stereotypes, we are not "abducting", but merely asking for volunteers in our experiments, as we are merely Benevolent Inquirers! All you need for these experiments are a VR headset for intergalactic travel and an enthusiasm for scientific research!
If you agree, then you'll be asked to participate in a variety of experiments and engage with our extremely curious researchers! We may even allow the Earth population access to our experimentation mechanisms! We are figuratively electrified with eagerness as we await our human volunteers! Please visit soon!